to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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