Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
