Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize