Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
