She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize