Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
