just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
