Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
