bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
