Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
