One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
