You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
