i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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