I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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