if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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