We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
