I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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