i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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