Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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