He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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