Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
