So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
