can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
