if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
