She is in my trunk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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