STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
