All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
