I must be too annoying 4 u.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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