i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
