addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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