and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
