He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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