the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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