I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
