Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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