I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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