More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I will die if light touches me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
