I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
