just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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