even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize