That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
