Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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