I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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