so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
