You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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