all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
as a side note pls kill me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
