Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
