Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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