So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
