Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Farmville is her only friend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i've created a new STD.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
